Valentine’s is usually a day I despise, with all the hearts and kisses and so call sentimental stuff, reminds me how alone I am as a single women in a man’s world. Yet this year I am extremely in love with myself! Yes I love myself! I am perfectly content with who I am today and who I will be tomorrow. But first I had to learn to be content with my past. I had to go through 50 shades of grey . . . .
One more drink doesn’t hurt we are just getting to know each other right? One drink lead to another and another and very quickly the poison had control over my body and I was left helpless. Before I could even comprehend my surroundings, this strange man was leading me back to his hotel. . . as I continued to follow him, I was asking myself why are you letting him . . . .
Waking up the next morning I did not recognize whom I had become overnight. As I was staring at myself in the mirror, I had an out of body experience as I watched the true Anna Marie Willard disappear and this new dark person replaced her. Little did I know that moment, I had become someone who had no self-worth, no will power, and no strength to take a stand for her self.
I believed the lies that being sexual is empowering for women. I had friends encouraging me this is so good for you to have control verses the guy having control. I was the one who started making “the calls,” I was the one feeling the urge to drink and become intoxicated allowing the darkness to comfort me before any type of sexual intercourse . . . I needed to feel connected but instead I felt distant. I battled with who I was and as I continued to listen to what the world was telling, I choose to remain in the dark.
After numerous mornings waking up and feeling tired of not recognizing the person in the mirror, I gave up the life of sex and alcohol. I kicked the lies of the world off me! I started my journey to discover my self-worth. Every day I had to battle the old self by reciting Love poems to myself. I had to keep fighting for myself, and self-worth because the dark person was still lurking and wanting to have control. I was not about to give up discovering the true Anna Marie Willard.
As I read these love poems I was able to discover the Light. The Light of Jesus Christ! I see Him and His unfailing love. This light now shines in me and teaches me to live a purposefully and passionate life! God’s loves me who I am now, who I was in the past and who I will be in the future (for I am fare from perfect). His Light shows me one of the greatest act of love is forgiveness. For me to understand a life full of passion and purpose I let love in and was forgiven!
He continues to save me from this ugly dark side of my human nature. He is my beauty! My light! that shines within me!!! I had to go through these 50 shades of gray for His glory to be revealed to me to see His beauty!
We all have a choice . . . I chose not to see the light at first…
But you can spare going through the darkness …
and being forced to see the light.
Choose the Light
for every shade of gray there is a Light:
- Whoever has my command and obeys them, he is the one who love me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him ~ John 14:21
- Love each other as I have Loved you ~ John 15:12
- Love is patent Love is kind it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth it always protects always trust always hopes ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
- Love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul and with all your strength ~ Deuteronomy 6:5
- Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is Love ~ 1 Corinthians 13:3
- Be the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, against such thing there is no law ~ Galatians 5:22 -23
- Do not offer the part of your body to sin, as instrument of wickedness, but rather otter yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace. ~ Romans 6:13-14
- For everything in the world – lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life – comes not from the father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever. ~ 1 John 2:15-16
- Bu I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. ~ Matthew 5:44-45
- How great is the love the father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know Him. ~ 1 John 3:1
- For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who lived should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. ~ 2 Corinthians 5:14-15
- For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, to keep his commands, decrees and laws. Then you will live and increase and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entirety to possess. ~ Deuteronomy 30:16
- But if anyone obeys his word, love for God is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him; whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did. ~ 1 John 2:5-6
- Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all you should and with all your mind. This is for fist and greatest commandment. ~ Matthew 22:37-38
- If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:2
- Love bears all things, believes all things, hope all things, and endures all things. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:7
- As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart. ~ Proverbs 27:19
- But God demonstrated his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ~ Romans 5:8
- Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” ~ Hebrews 13:5
- For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~ Romans 8:38-39
- We love because God loved us first. But if we say we love God and don’t love each other, we are liars. We cannot see God. So how can we love God if we don’t love the people we can see? The commandment that God has given us is: love God and love each other. ~ 1 John 4:19
- Set your affection on the thing above, not on things on the earth ~ Colossians 3:2
- You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. ~ James 4:4
- Whoever loves pleasure will become poor; whoever loves wine and olive oil will never be rich. ~ Proverbs 21:17
- But I tell you that anyone who looks at women lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. ~ Matthew 5:28
- Flee from sexual immorality all other sins a man commites are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you know know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. ~ 1 Corinthians 6:18-20
- And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But see his kingdom and these things will be given to you as well. ~ Luke 12:29-31
- And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. ~ Romans 5:5
- For your Maker is your husband – the Lord Almighty is his name – the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the god of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit – a wife who married young, only rejected,” says your God “For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you,” says the Lord your Redeemer ~ Isaiah 54: 5-8
- See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you ~ Isaiah 42:9
- Search me, O God and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts ~ Psalms 139:23
- Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. ~ Psalms 55:22
- Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flow from it. ~ Luke 12: 29
- For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. ~ Luke 12: 34
- He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us. ~ 2 Corinthians 1:10
- I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance and his holy people. ~ Ephesians 1:18
- You will see me and find me when you seek me with all your heart ~ Jeremiah 29:13
- You see, at just the right time. When we were still powerless. Christ died for the ungodly ~ Romans 5:6
- With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sine atoned for” ~ Isaiah 6:7
- So that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky ~ Philippians 2:15
- The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? ~ Jeremiah 17:9
- For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. ~ 2 Timothy 1:7
- Blessed are those who keep his statutes, and seek him with all their heart. ~ Psalm 119:2
- In righteousness you will be established; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you. ~ Isaiah 54:14
- For in Chris Jesus the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. ~ Galatians 5:6
- In your struggle against sin, you have not test desisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says “My son, dod not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son” ~ Hebrew 12: 4-5
- Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awakened love until it so desires. ~ Song of Solomon 2: 7
- As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them ~ Luke 7:8
- She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue. Proverbs 31:26
- I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. ~ Ephesians 3: 16-19